Battling the muffin in my head

I'm not much of a shopper, but last weekend, I wanted to buy a Lug bag. More specifically, the Taxi Full Tote. Rarely do I feel the urge to buy something and rarely do I declare to my sweet husband, "I need to go to Mapleview Mall this weekend, I really want this bag!"

My little bears are almost four and almost two, so thankfully, I don't need to carry around quite as much crap, so I'm hoping to make the transition from a diaper bag to well, a big bag. So while hubby took the big bear to skating lessons, little bear and I trudged off to the mall in Burlington. 

Unknowingly we arrived a half hour before the store opened. However, the food court, the convenience store and the Starbucks were open for business with tempting aromas of fresh-baked muffins and donuts wafting through the mall.

I thought to myself: Mmmm, a muffin would be good right now.  

Immediately an inner dialogue began.

Wait. Why am I tempted to buy a muffin from Tim Horton's? It's junk food. I had oatmeal and grapefruit for breakfast, what is going on?

I took a few moments to clear my thoughts.

OK, I want the muffin because it is in front of me and it smells good. I could be tempted out of habit - historically, a visit to the mall usually means eating something at the mall." 

The mental discussion continues as I get in line at Tim Horton's.

I'm not hungry, it's my brain that wants the muffin not my body. If I eat this muffin it is one step closer to having two weeks of unusual eating. 

"Can I take your order?" asks the Tim Horton's cashier.

It'll be fine once I'm out of the food court and away from all the food. Out of sight is out of mind.

"A large peppermint tea please." I reply.

The little bear and I head out to a sitting area away from the food court. The need for the muffin subsides. I distract my thoughts by watching my little bear fling a goldfish onto the floor and run back back and forth between the couch and the overhang that looks to the floor below. 

Before therapy, I would hold onto a temptation (let's say a muffin) and refuse to let it go. By doing so, I had to continually battle the urge to not eat the muffin the rest of the hour/day/week. Finally eating the muffin seemed to be the only way to stop thinking about the muffin.   

Looking back, I needed double the willpower: one dose to abstain from eating the muffin in front of me, and another dose for the muffin in my head so I wouldn't hunt down a muffin even when there was no muffin in sight.

I don't really now why I felt the need to hold on to a temptation. Perhaps I didn't think to make things easier on myself, or thought that I deserved to take the difficult route. Perhaps it had to do with years of cycles of restricting and overeating, or maybe I was subconsciously punishing myself for being overweight (or see myself as overweight). 

In any case, now I know: when I'm tempted to eat junk food, just walk away and let it go.

NOTE: It seems that blogger has flagged me as spammer. I noticed that comments that I make on blogger blogs disappear. Munchberry confirmed this and she is finding my comments in spam. So I've been making comments, they just may appear in your SPAM folder, please check. 

Has this happened to anyone? One day blogger deleted my blog (OMG) as they said it was spam. I went through a process (trying not to panic) to restore my blog, but I'm guessing that this is why my comments are going to the spam folder. If anyone knows how to remedy this situation, please let me know!