From time to time I wonder if my eating would be so out of control if I believed my mom when she said to me, "you're not fat, you look fine." For years she said this, and for years I never saw myself as thin enough.
I have never reached my goal weight. Even though I lost weight, it was never enough. I wanted to be thinner. I've always set myself up for disappointment and failure. Now I don't bother to set a goal weight. Whenever I am looking acceptable and can fit in nicer clothes, my motivation wanes and bad habits eventually creep back.
I know why and when my already low self image began. It's been 15 years, but I still remember the departing words from my snotty coach when I retired as a national-level athlete. She said, "so what are you going to do to stay thin?" Throughout my competitive career, my coaches would tell me to lose weight.
After retirement, I asked myself how could I stay thin if I was no longer training for 20+ hours a week? Maybe it was at this point that my brain decided that I could never be thin or perhaps it's self-fulfilling prophecy. I never really thought I could be thin, so now I go through an endless cycle of dieting and overeating.
The tasks for today is to pick two reasonable diets. I've been a Weight Watcher's girl for my dieting career. I hate the points system. It leaves too much freedom and not enough structure. I was glad when WW introduced the "core" plan that is a mix of the GI Diet concepts and points. So my two diet plan choices are the Simply Filling plan from Weight Watchers and the runner up choice is the points-based Momentum plan.
I would love to pick a plan that doesn't require planning and is portion-controlled (Jenny Craig), but it costs more than I want to spend and I think it is important to plan the food you are going to eat.
I've also noticed that I'm not reading my ARC card enough. I need to make multiple copies and post everywhere. That's it for today.