Learning to tolerate the bathroom scale

The bathroom scale and I didn’t have a problem until the day my coach began to weigh my teammates and I. She weighed us on a physician’s scale in the equipment room. Actually she measured us as well, but the number that mattered was the one on the scale. After a family trip to Florida, my weight dipped and the following week it jumped back up. At that point my coach discussed with me about going on a diet.

So there it began; a fear of the scale escalating to a history of scale avoidance.

I can easily avoid the scale, for months. When my therapist asked me to weigh myself, it took me three weeks to step on the vintage Borg scale to confirm that my weight was over its limit and another five months to find out my actual weight. I was so anxious about the number on the scale, I joined TOPS (a nonprofit weight loss group) to ensure that I weighed myself on a weekly basis. (I’m sure I’m not the only dieter that feels that accountability is necessary.)

That first weigh in on the cold Monday evening in March was a shock, but I was thankful that I was lighter than my final weigh in before I delivered my second baby. I hid my feelings of distress by joking about all the darn baby weight to lose. The TOPS member warmly smiled and replied that we’ve all been there and not to worry, I too will lose the baby weight.

I discussed the weekly weigh-in results with my therapist. She pointed out that your body can easily fluctuate a few pounds up or down. A quarter pound increase is not a reason to distress; a two pound gain can equate to a missed or late bowel movement. “Your body decides to dispose of weight or keep it and decides where to put it. What you want is an overall downward trend; don’t worry so much about the week-to-week results.”

In May, I decided to kick up the effort to actually lose weight. Interestingly, this coincided with returning to work following a year-long maternity leave. I admit it’s easier to see my weight, my number; I’m no longer shocked (sharing that number with everyone is another matter entirely) by seeing those three digits on the scale.

As the summer progressed, a curious thing happened. The need for accountability; to weigh in somewhere other than at my house that seemed so critical only months ago was no longer important. I decided to continue to weigh-in at TOPS until this week, when I weighed in at home for the first time with a borrowed Salter digital scale.

Today, I’m feeling better about the scale, it’s a tool showing a number; one method of measuring progress. But I know I can easily slip back into scale avoidance. I missed the October 3^rd weigh-in at TOPS and ate a few rich meals over the Thanksgiving weekend. I was worried about the number. Have I gained weight? I was apprehensive about gaining weight and losing ground in my long journey.

In the end, I weighed myself and kept the results inperspective. Sure the number was loss. But I changed the weigh-in day (Wednesday instead of Monday), the time of day (after I wake up instead of 6 pm) and the attire I’m wearing (a pair of socks instead of well, an outfit).

A final thought from Yoni Freedhoff. I’m going to keep in mind the next time the scale freaks me out:

The thing is, scales are truly frustrating devices because they don't simply measure caloric intake vs. caloric expenditure. Scales also measure clothing, water retention, constipation, time of month, and time of day differences.

Here are two things you need to know.

Firstly, there are 3,500 calories in a pound, and while bodies are definitely not mathematical instruments whereby, if you do or don't eat 3,500 calories, you'll see a pound change on the scale, bodies do obey the laws of thermodynamics. Weight is mass, and mass is energy. If you step on a scale on a Wednesday and it's 3 pounds heavier than Tuesday, unless you consumed the caloric equivalent of at least 19 Big Macs more than you burned, the scale is weighing something other than true weight. You can't gain mass without putting in the energy.

Secondly, your weight doesn't matter.

What do I mean by that? To put it simply, what moves the number on the scale is not the act of standing on the scale, it's what you're doing and choosing during the times you're not standing on the scale. It's your lifestyle and your choices that change your weight. You need to determine how you're doing by evaluating what and how you're actually doing by asking yourself questions such as: What have your dietary choices been like? How's your fitness? Are you being thoughtful? Are you organized and consistent? 

Here are the links to his blog postings on scale addiction and gravitophobia (irrational fear of the bathroom scale). Along with his blog at psychologytoday.com, Yoni also has a blog called Weighty Matters.

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Distract and delay: easier said than done

I was aware of the six fresh, bakery-baked cookies resting on the kitchen counter all weekend. Slowly, the number of them decreased. A treat for my son; hubby ate one or two.

I knew the cookies were there, because I bought them. It’s like the automatic pilot was on and I couldn’t stop. I read the sign for the cookies; buying a half dozen is cheaper, so instead of getting one or two, I bought six.

I tell myself: I can have one (or all for that matter) if I really want one. But I will feel better and look better if I chose to not eat anything or eat something healthy. I’m not going to dwell on the fact that I am not going to eat these cookies.

Easier said than done.

My anxiety level rises. I can’t seem to shake the focus on the cookies. So I decide to take a new approach.

I tell myself: I can have one (or all for that matter) if I really want one. But, I have to wait until I drink my chamomile tea.

Interesting: once I finished my tea, the need to eat the cookies waned. All weekend, when the need to eat a cookie rose to an unbearable level, I would find more tasks (do dishes, put kids in bed, eat lunch) to delay eating those cookies.

Delay and distract is not a new weight loss strategy to me, but somehow knowing that I am feeling anxiety and not hunger made this approach is easier to apply. Previously I would think to myself: what is the point of delaying something I’m going to do anyway? Now I know that: the need to eat may go away and whatever I eat will taste better if I wait.

So, of the six cookies, I ate one and a half. A quarter of the cookie on Sunday afternoon and the remaining one and a quarter cookies on Monday night; after the kids went to bed and I enjoyed my chamomile tea.

1 week / -4.5 / -8.0

Two apples too many?

“Go to the left, go to the left. TO THE LEFT. Damn.”

I was willing the physician’s weigh scale indicator to move to the left. It didn’t. It moved to the right. Two and ¾ pounds to the right to be exact. “That’s ok.” I remark to the two members of my TOPS branch who measure and record my weight gain. I had a feeling that I was going see a gain, but I always hope for loss. I hope I sound upbeat, but I’m disappointed. I quickly review a week’s worth of eating in my head. Doubt starts to set in. This is nuts. I need Weight Watchers to lose weight. Where did I put the program material for TOPS?

I was riding high from last week’s loss and the absence of intense cravings for junk food. My goal for this week was to build on last weeks’ success. I brought my lunch to work each day, adding vegetables to the workday menu. Again, at work, I only bought food at Metro that I needed. Plus, I racked up more than 6 hours of walking.

On the flip side, the weekend was dotted with decisions involving high-calorie foods: a caramel pecan square from the Glen Oven Bakery, BBQ pineapple and cool whip for Saturday night dessert, chocolate and nut covered ice cream bar brought home by hubbie for a Sunday afternoon snack, just hours before consuming two helpings of birthday cake. Oh yes, I almost forgot about the mini cupcakes on Friday night.

I know that sounds like a lot of sweets for a Mom trying to lose her baby weight, but I actually thought that I handled it quite well; like a thin person. I split the caramel pecan square in half and ate it on two separate occasions. Hubbie’s BBQ’d pineapple and cool whip dessert tastes delicious and is much lighter than other desserts such as a mini cupcake. I ate one mini cupcake with my son at dinner time and had another one after he went to bed. I wanted third one, but decided that I did not need the extra 110 calories.

The ice cream bar was an “oops” moment, but like a thin person, I’m not going to dwell on it. Regarding the birthday cake, my plan was to ask for a small piece; unfortunately I lost my thin person voice when a bigger piece was offered. For some reason, I decided to have another piece once we got home (oops, moving on).

But I have to keep things in perspective: weight fluctuates throughout the day, perhaps more dinner and water was sitting in my stomach than last week. Plus, I learned from my son’s paediatrician that apples are a binding food. One apple a day keeps the doctor away, but perhaps two apples are too many. An overdue BM could easily account for the gain.

It took a long time to put on this weight, and it’s going to take a long time to lose it. I need to remind myself that gains are going to happen frequently in this process, and what is important is that my net weight decreases with time.

1 week/+2.75

Returning to work - the return to very easy access to junk food

With mixed feelings, I returned to work last Tuesday after a yearlong maternity leave. Above all, I will miss spending time with my kids: trips to the library, kinder jump and play; play dates in Hamilton, window-shopping at the mall and hanging out at home.

Going back to work also means a new environment. An environment with close proximity to a Metro (grocery store), two Tim Horton’s donut shops, a Dollarama (chock full of discounted chocolate bars) and peers bearing baked goods and junk food to celebrate birthdays, holidays or just because. On the flip side, it also means a structured day and a commute that includes a 2 KM walk from Union train station to my workplace.

So how did my first week back shake out? Did cognitive therapy make a difference?

It went well. Therapy made a big difference.

During the last week, I ate chocolate and cookies every day. I enjoyed regular snacks. On some days, I enjoyed dessert such as Cold Stone ice cream and hot chocolate. I even went to McDonald’s one day for lunch. I’d say that the week went well. I believe I thought and ate like a thin person. I even lost weight.

Let me explain:

“I ate chocolate and cookies every day.”
That’s a small handful of animal crackers and chocolate chips.

“I enjoyed regular snacks.”
I ate up to three Satsuma oranges and two Gala apples during the work day and shared a couple of apples after dinner with my oldest son and husband.

“On some days, I enjoyed desserts such as Cold Stone ice cream and hot chocolate.”
I should add that I had a second serving of ice cream on Saturday night with my husband.

“I even went to McDonald’s one day for lunch.”
Instead of ordering a McChicken combo, I now order a cheeseburger with small fries and a diet coke.

In addition, I brought my breakfast and lunch from home (whole wheat English muffin with PBJ for breakfast, sliced deli meat and havarti cheese on a toasted bun for lunch) each day and I only bought food when necessary - buns for sandwiches, sushi lunch with friends I had not seen in a long time and a Panago pizza on my first day back to work. I also increased exercising walking 4 KM each work day and about six hours of gardening, pulling hundreds of weeds from our lawn and gardens.

However, the most noticeable difference in returning to work after therapy was what wasn’t there. I didn’t crave timbits or Dollarama’s discount chocolate bars. I didn’t miss the McChicken sandwich or bigger serving of fries. I didn’t hunt around the grocery store for some sort of sweet treat. I didn’t even consider buying something at Union station that is full of junk food options: McDonald’s, Mrs. Fields cookies, Dairy Queen, Cinnabon etc. I wasn’t tempted to eat any of those foods. I had no cravings. I didn’t feel like I was missing out on something. I was satisfied. To me, this is how a thin person thinks.

2 weeks / - 6