Weight watching in gain mode

Karen @ Waisting Time wrote how the numbers on the scale affects how she feels depending on the direction the number is going (going down feel great, going up feels fat). I was reading the comments from her post (Karen's warped theory of relativity) and could completely relate to Muchberry's comment, "I travel to the land without scales when I gain weight" because I too avoid the scale when I'm in gain mode.

But then I remembered that is not entirely true. I'm at the heaviest weight in my life and I witnessed the pounds piling on and the numbers on the scale going up; weigh in after weigh in.

Of course, I would have happily avoided the scale, but unfortunately when one is pregnant, one's doctor weighs you. I was nervous for my first appointment, I had not weighed myself in a year so I knew the number was going to be a shock. Shock it was, I gained 30 pounds in a year (after a year of restricting, I followed up with a year of overeating).

Considering how the hunger hit like a cement truck in the first trimester, I was pleasantly surprised that the weight gain in the second appointment a couple of months later was only two pounds. But after that, the scale indicator didn't stop moving to the right. I even managed a five pound gain in one week. The nurse was positive it was an error (that can't be right) and weighed me again (wow, that is not a mistake).

Not all the weight was a true gain. I was trying to finish some stuff before the baby arrived; complete another class in the magazine publishing certificate program, finish upholstering a pair of club chairs in a re-upholstery workshop plus we were implementing a new online application at work which meant 12 to 14 hour workdays and overtime on weekends. Apparently it is important to put your feet up as much as possible, I retained a boatload of fluids: the swelling in my legs came to my my knees, I was unable to sleep properly during the third trimester and the water in my arms induced carpal tunnel syndrome so I wore wrist guards all day and all night.

The weird thing was that with all that weight gain, my senses dulled to the perpetually increasing number. I was thankful when the gain was limited to one or two pounds and downright delighted on the single occasion that there was no weight gain. But it was impossible to comprehend what I was seeing on the scale, I dismissed it by telling myself that I'd lose it after I was finished having children.

Now here I am, two little boys later and 75 pounds heavier than what I weighed on my wedding day five years ago. In stark contrast to the time that I put on this weight, I'm acutely aware of every pound that I lose and have yet to lose.

I'm kicking myself for not getting help for this eating disorder before I got pregnant - well, sort of - the important point is that I did get help.

Did you gain your weight slowly over many years or did you gain your weight quickly?

Previous post: Dietary Assessment

Two apples too many?

“Go to the left, go to the left. TO THE LEFT. Damn.”

I was willing the physician’s weigh scale indicator to move to the left. It didn’t. It moved to the right. Two and ¾ pounds to the right to be exact. “That’s ok.” I remark to the two members of my TOPS branch who measure and record my weight gain. I had a feeling that I was going see a gain, but I always hope for loss. I hope I sound upbeat, but I’m disappointed. I quickly review a week’s worth of eating in my head. Doubt starts to set in. This is nuts. I need Weight Watchers to lose weight. Where did I put the program material for TOPS?

I was riding high from last week’s loss and the absence of intense cravings for junk food. My goal for this week was to build on last weeks’ success. I brought my lunch to work each day, adding vegetables to the workday menu. Again, at work, I only bought food at Metro that I needed. Plus, I racked up more than 6 hours of walking.

On the flip side, the weekend was dotted with decisions involving high-calorie foods: a caramel pecan square from the Glen Oven Bakery, BBQ pineapple and cool whip for Saturday night dessert, chocolate and nut covered ice cream bar brought home by hubbie for a Sunday afternoon snack, just hours before consuming two helpings of birthday cake. Oh yes, I almost forgot about the mini cupcakes on Friday night.

I know that sounds like a lot of sweets for a Mom trying to lose her baby weight, but I actually thought that I handled it quite well; like a thin person. I split the caramel pecan square in half and ate it on two separate occasions. Hubbie’s BBQ’d pineapple and cool whip dessert tastes delicious and is much lighter than other desserts such as a mini cupcake. I ate one mini cupcake with my son at dinner time and had another one after he went to bed. I wanted third one, but decided that I did not need the extra 110 calories.

The ice cream bar was an “oops” moment, but like a thin person, I’m not going to dwell on it. Regarding the birthday cake, my plan was to ask for a small piece; unfortunately I lost my thin person voice when a bigger piece was offered. For some reason, I decided to have another piece once we got home (oops, moving on).

But I have to keep things in perspective: weight fluctuates throughout the day, perhaps more dinner and water was sitting in my stomach than last week. Plus, I learned from my son’s paediatrician that apples are a binding food. One apple a day keeps the doctor away, but perhaps two apples are too many. An overdue BM could easily account for the gain.

It took a long time to put on this weight, and it’s going to take a long time to lose it. I need to remind myself that gains are going to happen frequently in this process, and what is important is that my net weight decreases with time.

1 week/+2.75